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I wanted to shower and not feel all morning-smelly, but he wouldn't hear of it.He took me downstairs into the rec room. The furniture was gone. The built-in shelves were empty and there were drop cloths everywhere. Two cans of paint, two trays, several brushes, rollers and a ladder were sitting in the middle of the floor.My heart sunk. There were a million chores I would have chosen over painting. I hate painting. I turned around and started to walk away, but he took hold of me and swatted me once on the behind. I half-expected it and turned back to him with a mixture of resignation and gratitude that he was going to help me do something that I needed to do.The house we were living in at the time had been built in the early seventies and the rec-room showed it. Burnt-orange and off-yellow hadn't been in-style in either of our lifetimes. Guests used to comment that the Brady Bunch wanted their color-scheme back. We needed to paint, and this room was at the top of the list.That's when. "Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil."Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Phil."The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."Dear Family & Friends,I am sorry that I have not been consistently responsive lately to your emails. I have been somewhat under the weather.
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