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They knew me too well."Bet you didn't keep them around," Beth observed, spearing a piece of pineapple off her plate with a toothpick. "Might frighten Bob." She daintily put the pineapple in her mouth."I guess I do hide them from Ken." Nicole looked at Beth. "Why do I do that?" What I said. Might frighten the old man. If you read fantasies, you probably have them. Ergo, you're a crazed nymphomaniac he can't possibly satisfy ever and you're probably going to go down to the Combat Zone and pick up three sailors any day now." But I'm not!" Nicole looked shocked. "I've been faithful all these years; I have three kids; I'm thirty-two years old. Why would he think that?" He wouldn't," Beth said, "but that's what you're afraid of."Nicole thought about that. You could practically hear all those little gears grinding away. Then she looked at me."Do you hide things from your husband?" Not lately. Well, not much, anyhow." My turn to skewer pineapple off Beth's plate. I'd already eaten up all of. I am not one to wear my heart on my sleeve, let along actually admit the current situation was painful to me. Self denial has always been my route. Therefore I began making excuses as to why he wasn’t around anymore, when in angered truth I didn’t know myself. The lies were comforting, but even I knew they wouldn’t restrain the agony running ramped through my veins, like a hurricane just below the surface. The world and I have never come to an agreement, it kept spinning when I had long since been thrown off. Regardless of my rough exterior, a friend came through. Offering the stone cold theory that James was my drug, and I was literally going through withdrawals in his absence. The reality of that statement came crashing down, just as he took one last step off the planet, and surprisingly my world didn’t come to a halt. So what was the point in all of this? Well, it’s rather simple. You see, every fiber of my being is afraid, afraid that no one will ever compare to him. And thus.
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