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" I- eh- I mean, I have to wear a skirt, because otherwise I wouldn't looklike a girl." And when you finally tell Mrs. Weber the truth? I mean, she likes you somuch, you don't want there to be any problems in the meantime." Do you think? I don't know..." I rather believe you want to look like a stylish girl. Or?" No, I mean yes. I mean if I have to wear a skirt then I ought to lookgood." And that has now become an end in itself? Shall I call Mrs. Weber andtell her that you're not a girl? In reality that's my obligation." Mom! Please, don't!" And why shouldn't I do that? Just don't tell me it's because you likeMrs. Weber."Crap! Why does Mom always have to ask questions like this? I reallydidn't know how I should answer.As always in such situations, my brain was blocked. Always when youurgently need an answer nothing comes out.Finally I said, "Because I like being a girl." Actually I wanted to say,because I like dressing as a girl, but it just came out the way it did.Mom nodded, as. “I – I’m so sorry.”Whatever for? I want to ask, but not sure quite how to say it. My fingers are still inside me but there is no afterglow. Now I hear…tears?“Evie, what is it? Are you okay?” My arms ache to hold her. I know she is crying, but why? I slide my fingers out of my vagina, which now feels cold and clammy and totally inert.“Katie…I couldn’t…I didn’t…I’m not right for you.”Now it hits me. My orgasm had been just for me. I had not helped, hadn’t tried to empathise with her needs, hadn’t said things to carry her along with me. My own hungry cunt, that’s all I’d cared about. I am feeling shame and guilt, shame at my selfishness, guilt at the way I have used her as a fantasy object.“Oh, Evie,” I say at last. “You didn’t come. It doesn’t mean anything. And it’s my fault. I got carried away. I didn’t wait for you. I didn’t help you at all.”There is a long silence before she says: “I couldn’t do it. I tried to imagine you, Katie, I imagined how.
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