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‘Then why do you hate me? Would you like me better if I treated you like those two assholes did last night, so I wouldn’t be perfect anymore? I don’t think you really want a guy to bash you over the head with a club and drag you back to his cave, and I’m not really made like that, but if that’s what you want, I’ll try. Would that make me less perfect? Or, would that make me even more perfect? I’ve tried doing one thing to be less perfect, like calling you Livy, and that doesn’t work either, because you still think I’m perfect. How can I be perfect if I call you by a name you hate? Am I trying too hard not to be perfect and ending up being perfect? Does perfect mean what I think it means?’ He heaved an exasperated sigh and ran a hand through his hair. It didn’t make any difference, it was still perfect. ‘You do realize, don’t you, that all of this is total nonsense, and now you have me doing it, too?’ He looked as if he’d just been told the sun would rise in the west tomorrow, and he. Like trees, penises come in all shapes and sizes. My preference for both is a thick one. And rough bark excites me too. I have always found men with facial hair more attractive. I don't think this is a coincidence.You know, shame is a very damaging thing to a person. When younger, I wanted a relationship with a boy. Now I want one with a man. I really do. I try dating, but it ends when things get physical. It is a repeated scene with each man. Things get heated, I feel something, but not the same arousal as with my trees. I grow self-conscious. I think he thinks something is wrong with me. I shut down. He leaves. I masturbate to take care of my sexual needs. I live with an emptiness inside though. Of course, I miss that skin-to-skin contact with a man.~~August 2, 2019I kiss Edward goodbye and walk down the trail to my car, parked in a vacant area of the park. I see that look of disappointment in his eyes as I walk off. He is ready for more and disappointed I am not. There is.
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