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My driver’s licence and credit cards still say Michelle. My kids grew up and left home, and I needed something to do. Somehow, I became a plumber’s apprentice.” I was a bit dumfounded, not so much by Mikey’s story but by her beauty and the fact that she was in her mid-fifties. I would have thought she was ten years younger. “May I come in and check out your problem?” I quickly stepped aside and invited Mikey in, but my mind was working overtime. “Oh yes,” I thought to myself, “I would love for you to check out my problem.” I hadn’t had sex since my wife left me. Mikey asked where the boiler was located and quickly got to work. She accepted my offer of a cup of tea and within minutes diagnosed the problem … at least the one pertaining to heating. The good news: it wasn’t serious. The bad news: she would have to drain the system, and it could take a couple of hours to refill. Mikey got to work while I returned to the sitting room, which was getting cold now that the plumber had. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the Constitution.In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the 1950s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on the Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” the official said.Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic broccoli shortage, buying up all the hip hop CDs, and renting all of the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t absorb and support.
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