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Even as I walked towards the mirror, I had a sinking feeling. Evalyn andI were now about the same height; I'd always been a few inches taller. Mylegs swayed, as if I they extended from a wider platform. My reflectiontold no lies. I was a woman: the way my hips and legs moved; the shape ofmy rear.... I slapped my butt with both hands; this was no gel padding,but a real, feeling, soft and expansive woman's derriere.I was pretty -- prettier than the stewardess I'd pretended to be. I'dkept the blonde hair from the Halloween party. I yanked on it, and it wasreal, longer than before, extending past my shoulders. I'd lost at leastthirty pounds, and, save for my hips, I was slimmer everywhere. My eyeswere now blue, and my face was recognizable -- barely -- as the old me,but I looked something like a Mengstrom, too."Why? Why did you do this to me?"She really looked at me then, and, for the first time, I saw doubt."I thought you would take this better. You were very comfortable being awoman in. "She paused, and then said steadily, "And if you honestly believe that I am not able to make that decision, fine. I won't beg and plead to be with you. I'm too proud."I stared at her. Her eyes were fierce but I saw the hint of tears back there as well. I sighed. "OK, Lauren," I finally said. "You're right. It's against every rational standard that could be brought to bear here, but you're right. You know how I feel about you even though I haven't said a word aloud. And you're right, too, that I know how you feel about me without your saying it. Please understand that I worry simply because... well, because it's hard to trust myself. I ask myself if I really know those things, or if I'm just telling myself I know them because that's the way to score a hot chick, to live out a fantasy that so many middle-aged guys probably share. Hell, not just middle-aged guys: I bet you were the star of many fantasies from boys age eleven onwards. My reluctance didn't come from not wanting you, from.
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