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”This is compliments of J & BJust some DEEP thoughts for 2017• The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.• My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.• The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.• My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 lbs I’ve gained since then.• I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”• The speed with which a woman says “nothing”, when asked “What’s wrong?”, is inversely proportional to the severity of the shit storm that’s coming.• Denny’s has a slogan, ‘If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.’ If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday ... Your life stinks!• On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week.. 'Dance with me, my darling!' exclaimed their father.'But what about the children,' half-hissed, half-giggled their mother.'Don't be silly,' they heard their father saying as the sound of two drunken middle-aged people dancing badly came from below, 'Dancing doesn't make you pregnant.'Louise and Brian were not sure if the music was turned off deliberately, or by accident, though a sound like their father tripping over an electrical cable did accompany its cessation. The moment's silence was broken by some intermittent giggling and other noises, and then they heard their father announce in a loud drunken voice, 'Come on Judy, enough of this! Hang the Markton account, screw Henderson and our golf game tomorrow, forget your appointment at the salon, its all so much bunk! Let's go lodge with Tom's fleas by the lake. Sorry, let's go flee to Tom's lodge by the lake.''But the children?' began his wife.'We'll leave them a note. They can take care of themselves. And if not, we can always make.
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