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.. wink. Eliza was snuggled to my side, tracing gentle patterns in my chest hair languidly with one fingertip. Of course, she knew exactly when I was awake... "Yes, I can see your dreams, but I prefer not to. Dreams are like hallucinations, they don't make much sense. I prefer just to gather the emotional content of the sleeping thoughts. Would you like me to wake you up if you start to have a nightmare?" I pondered the question a moment, and told her "No. I would rather my brain do what it wants. However frightening a nightmare is, it is always a relief to wake up- maybe that is their purpose, to make reality prefered over dreams." She tucked her head against me and murmered into my shoulder "You are so intuitively wise." I thought about tickling her in various places, and had her shreeking and laughing without touching her. She mock glared at me, and growled " I am so going to pay you back for that! Settle down, and I will tell you how my day went, after you 'disappeared'."After you. I end up resenting that I had to be the one to give in. I gave in a lot to Emily, but it just wasn't enough for her. It seems like I'm eventually going to be unhappy no matter what I do. I think I should keep doing whatever I decide is right for me. At least, that way, I won't end up feeling unhappy, and then feel stupid on top of it, for having tried to go against my own convictions. It isn't worth it, not just to try to act more reasonable with people." Why do you want to avoid Shirley? I don't think any of us understand what your reason is for doing that." It isn't that I want to avoid her. I want to avoid the trouble that not avoiding her would create for me. That isn't the real problem though. The real problem is that Emily and Mama refuse to accept that avoiding her is my choice to make. Shirley wants for us to get back together. I don't want to do that, not even if Emily weren't in the picture now. She already made her choices before. If I had gotten her pregnant, it would be.
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