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Shit! Just when I thought I might have a handle on my life. I hate this fucking school. I should just kill myself. Why do I have all this drama? I’m an artist, not an actor, Jim.I went back to my dorm room and cut Art Orientation. I stripped, crawled in bed, and pulled the covers over my head, determined not to come out until they closed the dorms for the summer.Of course, I didn’t silence my cell phone and it started chiming once every ten minutes with messages until I finally gave in and got up to see who was texting me. I hoped it was Melody. I really didn’t mean to hurt her and it never even occurred to me that my being with Lissa would upset her. We were both with her all weekend. Is that what it was like to have a girlfriend—always wondering if you were going to upset her over something stupid? I scanned through the messages but her name didn’t pop up. There were messages from both Sandra and Amy, from John Gilbert at the gym, wanting to set up time with me this afternoon, and. My heart races as I get out my make-up and apply it to my face-foundation first, followed by mascara, eye shadow and finally mydeepest red lipstick. Unlike the disabled toilet fiasco on Wednesday,no one would look twice at a long-haired figure in a pencil skirt andhigh heeled shoes ducking into a ladies' toilet, but deep inside, Iknow that I don't truly belong here, and I complete my business quicklyfor fear of being 'found out'.After assuring myself that my make-up is immaculate and there's no wayI could be perceived for what I 'really am', I head straight to thetube- still wobbling slightly on my heels- and report to the receptiondesk at Heavenly Talent, just as I'd done twice already."Morning, Miss Abbott!" The receptionist says, greeting me as though Iwas an old friend. "Here for the interviews?" Yep!" I say happily, disguising my internal weariness at thesituation. As I take a seat, I briefly consider just walking out of theinterview- I've accomplished everything I wanted to by.
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