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The child, the woman, she, her… all being me. Sweet Jesus I wonder when I stopped caring. Why did I give up my fight? I wonder why I can’t see the light that is suppose to shine at the end of every tunnel? How did a woman so young in years grow to feel to empty and old? Jaded. I hide myself from friends for days on end, fearing they will see what I see when I look in the mirror. I shun my family for giving me the memories that have formed me into the person that I have become. I wonder what happened to the woman that use to be vivacious. She is a rare visitor, or maybe I just imagined her. Maybe she only exists in my mind. Because the only person I see theses is world-weary and raw. I don’t care for her much. Even now as I write, I beg myself to stop, because if I don’t, I am forced to think of all I am loosing, all the precious time I have already lost. All the pain that I have kept safely harbored inside my heart. I can feel it swelling up inside me now wanting to push past the. Paul could have stolen the money or the whole thing could have been a hoax.When I met Richards, I didn't expect him to actually remember my name. He probably helps hundreds of people. But he knew me as soon as I spoke to him and even asked how the pregnancy had gone. When I told him how grateful I was his help, he just shrugged his shoulders and told me that the whole country was honored by Sam's sacrifice, so any small thing he could do was his pleasure.So seeing him again today was great. The bad part of it, of course, was finding out that he was married to that fake bitch, Connie Page. As he walked out, after taking her the fancy briefcase that she'd left at home, he spoke to me. He'd smiled at me and said, "Hi Jo Anne. How's Samantha doing?"It just amazed me, that a man that I'd only met once, could remember me and my daughter and show more concern for us than the four women I'd known for most of my life and went through high school with. Worse than finding out that he was.
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