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Almost everyone there spoke to her. She graciously introduced me but gave no information to anyone about the status of our relationship. When she was talking to others or could not hear my conversations, many people told me what a great lady she was. I knew a small number of people there and they were all inquisitive as to how we met. If only they knew.I had not inquired as to the charity or even the details on the event. But it was a “celebrity auction” where you bid on a “date” with a local celebrity. Obviously, I did not need a date but I thought it would be fun to watch. I checked to make sure Brittany was not one of the celebrities being auctioned. I asked who we were bidding on and she gave me a big smile. There were six local celebrities and the night progressed with a lot of good-natured fun and some future dinner dates.The final celebrity was Amy. I had known her for several years. Last year we had dated for a few months. She was a local news anchor, early thirties, recently. The fact that I was the first born - and a daughter, not a son - was an irritant to my father. It wasn't how he envisioned his family.As a girl I wasn't - and could never be - my father's eldest son. And yet I was expected to fill the role that he had assigned for his oldest child, the child who was supposed to be a boy. It created a whole host of problems for me - expectations that I could never meet.To be fair, I put some of it on myself, but I can never really parse out how much of it was my own creation and how much was my parents assignment of a role to me.For example, I took responsibility for my younger siblings, trying to protect them and keep them from getting in trouble. Of course, my parents held me responsible for their behavior, but I embraced that responsibility and tried to make it work.I took punishments for them when I could - when I was brave enough. I felt like a coward when I wasn't brave enough and I felt like a failure when I couldn't play the system well enough.
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