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He has done nothing to cause me to doubt Him. Nothing at all. It's not Him. The problem is not He. It's me. i have done something to cause me to doubt. i was thrown by the comments of the person at work, and i allowed a small seed of self-doubt to grow. As it got larger, i panicked. It is *i* who feel i am not pleasing Him, not He who feels this way. *i* feel i am not doing enough. Not pleasing enough. Not attractive enough. Not selfless enough. Not serving enough. Not deserving enough. i'm simply not enough. Period. It seems He has accepted me as i am, but i still haven't. And after a moment i realize He probably knows this. Part of me is miserable with the discovery, feeling a sense of failure because i have discovered that i feel i am a failure, and in irony i realize this is a vicious circle, which will feed on itself if left unchecked. A small part of me is a little relieved that at least now i will have an answer for Him when He asks to hear it. i have no idea how long i've. Becky shook her head and I dumbly did so as well. “Good. Becky, please go up to your room. Edward and I need to discuss the rest in private.” She lost her smile and looked a little worried, then squeezed my hand again, and walked nervously out of the room.Judy waited a bit as she herd Becky walk up the stairs, then turned to me again. “Edward, you have a choice.” Even as she said this I knew it wasn’t true. “You can reject my daughter again, but I’m afraid this picture will become public at some point. While it is a fake, it’s good enough that that fact will not save you from a lifetime of troubles with your job and at home.”I gulped knowing that that option would destroy my world and was not even worth considering. “On the other hand, you can provide my daughter with what she desires. She is still very young and curious about the pleasures of the flesh. She may just have a deep crush again, or even love you, but that may pass, as I can tell you from personal experience.” She was.
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