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She refused to sleep in the nude with me and while I was welcome to stay the night, I had to be gone by the time Hannah was up. I believe this pretense let my mother believe that she hadn't completely become her son's whore.I thought about forcing the issue by buying and making her wear some sexy night wear or by just hiding her pajamas again but it just didn't seem important to me at the time. I was certainly getting what I wanted otherwise and so why rock the boat? I always wore a condom.After refusing her plea to give up on Hannah I promised to limit my activities with my sister to the times when Mom wasn't home. She could then pretend it wasn't happening.Since Hannah told me she would rather die than having anyone find out about our fuck sessions, my sister was not a problem when it came to keeping secrets. I know it sounds like a lot of pretending was being done but it was necessary to keep a sense of normality.During and after the campaign to seduce my mother I certainly didn't. I wanted nothing more than to pull you close, kiss you softly, and hold you as we walked through the mall or somewhere else. Knowing how society works, that couldn't happen. I would have been seen as something horrible, nevermind the fact that there was a true deep love in my heartI'm learning more every day, seeing things now, that I missed then. The little things, the smiles at just me, even when you were crying. The way your eyes seemed to light up. The times that you'd want to spend time just the two of us. The random hugs, the occasional "I love you" when we were home alone. I realize now, you never said it in front of anyone else, it was always something between you and I. I missed so many of the little signs you had given me that I wouldn't be rejected. But, sadly, it's too late to change any of that. If I had it to do all over again, I would do so many things differently. I made my bed, now I must lie in it, forever. I have to atone for the pain I caused. It's my burden, and.
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