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He was a wiry, middle-aged guy, probably late thirties from the look of him. He cleared his throat and looked at the chart for a little bit before staring at me, and then back at his chart. Then he pulled back the sheet and lifted my robe just enough to inspect my groin.“So ... you were the victim of an unauthorized circumcision, by a trained and licensed medical professional, at the behest of your own wife, is that correct? Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude. I’m Dr. Jason Gottlieb. So, Alexander Mulligan, is that right?” the doctor asked me now.“Correct. I guess that I’m lucky that he was a trained surgeon, a urologist, even if he deserves to lose his license for this. I suppose that Lisa wanted to make sure not to lose her favorite toy. I don’t think that she realized that she would now have bigger problems than divorce,” I smirked.“You’re Catholic, aren’t you? I thought that Catholics don’t do divorce?” Dr. Gottlieb expressed surprise.“Fuck that noise. I don’t care about the. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me.I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time.Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, “Re-calc-u-lating.” You would think that she could be nicer.It was like she could barely tolerate me.She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light.Then if I made a right turn instead.Well, it was not a good relationship.When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house.We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven’t figured out.
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