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Some had stared at her with what could only be called hunger, stared at her bared chest, some showed their yellowed teeth as they peered down the front of her dress. It was both frightening and exciting. She had never been to such a crowded event, never heard such throbbing music, and never seen so many fat buttocks and bulging groins, padded she was sure.And then there was an officer called André and his dark eyes, pale skin and beautiful hair. He was almost pretty. Effeminate? No, not quite. She sought a descriptive word and decided on worldly, discarded it and tried venturesome. He seemed to be able to look right into her brain, into her heart. He was very different. She was sure he was just a flirt, but what a confident and handsome one. Still, a bit odd somehow, peculiar even, as if he really were somewhere else, always looking about, striking poses, feeling his own chin or his Adam's apple above his high, tight collar. His powdered hair coiled above his ears under his small wig. I love her very...much. I know that, too. Another thing I know is that I am completely terrified of making love with Lisa.Ah. The crux.You see, in order to have a fully functioning adult relationship, you have to have sex. I mean, it's not a requirement or anything, but it does help. And it wasn't that I was a horrible lover or that I had a tiny dick that I was ashamed of...it was just the gnawing certaintity that I wouldn't be able to satisfy Lisa in bed.Getting up from behind my desk, I walk to the couch and lay down and put my feet over the edge. I'm relaxed now, or, a little more relaxed than I was a moment ago. I can now look at this dispassionately and dissect it with all the calm coldness of a scientist examining a specimen under a microscope. No problem.Two things contribute to this feeling. The first is the fact that Lisa has the rather annoying habit of discussing her sex life with me. I knew she wasn't a virgin, or a nun, but I had no idea that women talked about sex as.
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