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In times of need and trouble, we were always there for each other. On going to university in Melbourne the following year in 1981, I did not see Mary very much. We kept in close contact either by letter or by telephone, letting each other know when we moved from our current living addresses. It was only during semester vacations, including Easter and Christmas, that I got to visit her and spend prime time with her. In 1982, Mary married her long time boyfriend Michael, in the small Methodist Church in Yallourn North. I was honoured to be one of her bridesmaids. The following year, Mary and Michael had a baby son who was christened Thomas. I also attended his christening some months later and was made Thomas’ godmother. Meanwhile, I completed my BA in Journalism at university and won a job with the Australian Army at the end of 1983. I married Shaun, an army officer, in August 1984. Our first child, Harrison, was born in May the following year. I stayed in the army until 1991 when. My legs are long andmuscled yet smooth and trim as are my arms. My hands are strong yet smoothwith tapered fingers.What am I? Do I belong? Is there a place for a penis bearer like me? Can Ibe myself and exist happily in this world? Once I am no longer needed athome, what then? Will time change me into something else? Do I need physicalintervention like drug therapy or operations to become an acceptable humanbeing? To be a pretty teenage girl what has been done? To be a teenage boywhat needs to be done? What am I? Am I that different?I am lost deep within myself. What is myself? Is there a real me? Am Isomething that changes by my surroundings like a chameleon? Is there a, me,myself and I? I am lost within. My eyes have grabbed and held me fast. Ihave traveled deep and far within only to find what? No answers to my quest?Barbara has sent me to look at my self. A mission that is too general andvague for any true answers. How can one find oneself when it truly does notexist? One mind.
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