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And here I was just minutes later, like a junkie being shown a high-filled syringe, not looking away or throwing it to the ground, but rather contemplating nostalgic memories of past highs, stupid enough to forget the price I’d nearly paid.I felt my throat tense and contract, almost like an allergic reaction as Freddy looked at the camera and his hands started from the bottom and slowly and teasingly began unbuttoning the buttons up the front of Jill’s blouse. I realized things were now developing at a rapid rate of knots and that if I wanted to stop them I’d have to do something soon.I was like the proverbial rabbit caught in the headlights. My pulse racing with nausea and fear I was feeling, reminding me like an echoed aftershock of that terrible night back in early May. That familiar and deceitful little voice telling me, ‘no, it’ll be fine, totally different than the situation with Chris. Not love, just sex, just like you and Jill always planned.’ Deep down I knew the voice was. I liked the way I looked in the photos and itbecame apparent others admired my look as well. I quickly compiled alist of gentlemen admirers. Many were just down right sick and mostwere creepy but a few of the men were very polite and we correspondedregularly. Of course many of these men wanted to set up dates and Iwas not interested in that. I still had not even ventured out of thehouse dressed.Unlike my cross-dressing sisters, something about the attention fromthese men started to pique my curiosity. I loved the attention I wasgenerating and I pushed my goal of looking female further. Theattention was exhilarating and soon I began to fantasize, whendressed, what it would be like to date and have a relationship with aman. Always my fantasies revolved around faceless men that wouldcompletely sweep me off my feet and shower me with romance,attention, love and affection. I found myself thinking about what itwould be like to be the wife in a relationship. I began to questionmy thoughts..
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