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I could see he wasn’t wearing a shirt, but had no idea if he was wearing some boxers or not. He had the sheets pulled aside for me to get in. He looked at me and said, “Holy shit, mom, you’re gorgeous. My imagination did not do you justice.”I probably turned a few shades of red when he said that. It was said so spontaneously and immediately, that I had to believe he meant every word. I felt a sudden relaxation in my body. I didn’t realize how tense I was and worried about this moment until that happened. It was in that moment that I knew this was the right thing to do for us. A lot of people would think it’s wrong and may even be disgusted with us. That’s not our problem, it’s theirs. At that moment I realized that I didn’t even care who knew about our new relationship or who saw us seemingly acting inappropriate. I didn’t give a shit about any of them. This is our life and we’re going to live it as we see fit.I climbed into bed and immediately got right up to him and. If I just don’t address the issue, just avoid talking about it, then I won’t have to break his heart, I don’t think he will let me though. But if I keep stringing this along, if I keep letting him believe that I like him, then it will just hurt him more when I do break it off. He is so cute; he has an innocence that I can’t get past. Maybe I am suppressing some feelings for him. What if I do have feelings for him, but I subconsciously destroy them because I want to be faithful to John. Is that wrong? Is that fair to Jack? But no, no, I don’t love Jack. Is it wrong for me to entertain the idea of loving Jack? Is that being unfaithful to John? It’s hard to know where the lines are drawn in the relationship we have. It isn’t wrong for me to have sex with someone, and its not wrong for him to have sex with someone, but emotional attachment is wrong. Why do we have to put these limitations on ourselves? Why can’t I be attached to more than one man? Why would that be so bad? I guess it all.
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