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Charlie and his girlfriend”“Charlie, who the fuck is Charlie?”I raised my hand and the waiter appeared at our table.“Yes sir, you called?”“Yup. Irene, meet Charlie.” From the look on her face she was absolutely stunned. Her mouth fell open and her eyes grew wide.“You have to be kidding. Tell me this is some sort of a sick joke.”I looked at her with what I’m sure was a sardonic grin across my face. “No Irene, I’m not kidding and you’re going to screw Charlie and his guest tonight and I’m going to sit right here and watch you and enjoy myself.” She jumped up from her seat and glared at me then she slapped her hand on the table, over and over again.“Alright! Right here Jeremy, right here on the fucking table? Is that where you want me? Fine I’ll fuck the two of them, right here and right now but you had better keep your word Jeremy or I swear to God I’ll personally fucking kill you.” She reached over her shoulder and unzipped the top of her cocktail dress the reached behind her and. .. “OK decision time Jim. Which is it going to be?”“Hang on Anna, I want to see their faces,” I argued a little sharply. That word was now echoing round as a chant. I had a good idea who the naked celebrities were, but that was the point of the whole performance.“Shi ... gosh sorry Jim, sorry folk, I go a bit distracted with ... well never mind,” she glanced sternly at me and then down at her bust. Her teats were still proud. I must admit, she is a superb TV presenter but a woman, a raving fucking lesbian woman, what a fucking waste, so being put on the spot blatantly wasn’t new but in this case a little unusual I guessed.“The time has come,” she announced turning to the audience. Huge cheers and jeers emanated from the howling drunken mass. I managed to glimpse my wife, nearly engulfed by the people standing round her table. She was grinning widely, as excited as them all. She didn’t know the initial list I had nominated for the show, just grateful her beloved cherished charities.
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