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You use my hair to yank me onto my knees next to the bed. I can see you sitting down on the side of the mattress out of the corner of my eye as I stare at the floor, trying to compose myself. I feel like crying—how could I have screwed up this soon? How much of that did Ben watch, and what was he thinking? If it wasn’t clear before, it’s obvious now who is at the bottom of the status hierarchy in this odd three-person relationship. My chest is tight and I have to take deep breaths, but after a minute I get myself under control and manage to look up. Ben is standing in front of you in the middle of the floor—you must have beckoned him over. He’s taking off his shirt. His chest is beautiful and I immediately stop feeling sorry for myself and start feeling proud and happy for Ben. He shakes a little as he undoes his belt and slides his jeans down over his hips, then steps out of them. I look keenly at his crotch from under my eyelashes—but I can’t tell if he’s wearing anything. ” I lied.A smile crept on his face as he said, “That’s good. I wouldn’t want you having too much fun now. I’m glad we got it over with. Like I said, it was a one time deal.”Oh, my poor husband. If only you knew how much fun I really had. If only I could tell you the truth. I wish I could tell you how much bigger and better they were than you. I wish I could tell you how much stronger, faster, swifter and assertive they were than you. I wish I could tell you that you opened a door that can no longer be closed. You opened my eyes to a whole new world that I never knew existed. How are you ever going to follow up what Rodney and Ken did to me? How are you ever going to measure up? How are you going to fulfill my needs and desires? You can’t. You just can’t! This was not a one time deal, babe. This was just an initiation. I belong to the boys now. And to the boys I shall remain.The following weekend, we all made plans to hang out again. I took extra time to get ready and look perfect for.
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