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Now I don’t want either ‘sound alike’ and ‘brown skin’ to be taken as racist, well, okay, the bit about Les Grenouille all sounding alike is fair, but shallots, being little onions do have brown skins. I suppose I do have a bit of a thing about our European neighbours, not that I am in favour of leaving the European whatever, I’m a firm believer in keeping your friends close ... and your enemies even closer, but some of them can be intensely irritating. The Swedes for instance. Who on earth needs flat packed furniture I ask you? If we had been meant to assemble furniture ourselves, unless like me it’s your job, we would have a screwdriver bit on the end of our finger. Don’t be silly of course I haven’t.And then there is a certain Mr Rausing, yet another Swede with a ridiculous idea, and who, in my not in the least humble opinion, should be dung up and shot. You may well ask what this fellow did – past tense since he has shuffled off this mortal coil – to upset me. He was the inventor. I can’t believe I lost my virginity to him those months ago. I went to sleep disgusted. When I woke up, he was gone with a note on the pillow. I didn’t even bother to read it. I quickly took a shower to get ready for school. Every time I wake up and he’s here I have a bad day so I’m lucky. Off to school! Maxwell ‘Yo, your moms OD’d on me last night man. My dick is still numb!’ Jacob was cuttin. The guys were cracking up. I wasn’t in the mood to cut back. ‘No answer. Oh snap. You’re not your momma’s child. I had your moms screaming all kinds of things. Jacob this, Jacob that.’ Ok that was it. ‘Well Jacob, I have to congratulate you. That’s amazing that you got my mom saying full sentences and shit. Your moms must be retarded cause she’s still stuck on the first letter. Aaaaaaaaaaa. ‘Oh damn. That’s cold Max.’ Everybody was cracking up when Janet and her crew walked into the cafeteria. ‘Damn she fucking sexy’ Jacob said. I had to agree. Here was a girl that stood 5’8, long black.
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