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I just couldn’t get the thoughts out of my mind. “What would it feel like? Would I like it? Does it hurt? What if I am gay?” All those questions ran through my head daily. I was tired of wondering and I wanted to find out.One night while Josh and I were both in the room working on school work, I broke the ice and stated chatting with Josh. Nothing in particular, but it got us talking and focus away from the term papers on our computer screens. Then I went for it, I started talking about sex. I asked Josh what it was like his first time. When he was done with his story, I moved my desk chair closer to his and leaned in and kissed him. I KISSED A GUY! That was a sentence I once thought I would never say. Josh gently pushed me back and took a deep breath and told me he couldn’t because of his relationship with Alex. I understood and I told him I was sorry to put him in that position. That was the end of that, or so I thought. That Friday, I came into the room after dinner and found Alex. .”Joey said firmly, almost darkly, “Shut up.”I looked back up, confused, and found him staring at me with a stony face and tears in his eyes.A complex mixture of emotions danced through his eyes as he leaned forward. For a moment, I thought he was going head butt me.Joey said softly, “You’ve put us through hell, you know that? Do you even realize the amount of heartache you put Suzi through? There were times I want to punch your lights out because of how angry you not talking to us made me. You say you love us? It wouldn’t have hurt so bad if we didn’t feel the same about you. Shit, Tim. I would have never had had a chance with Suzi if...”Joey paused to get hold of his emotions. His face was inches from mine. I had no idea why.His expression softened and then he said, “We’re not gay.”And then he kissed me.It wasn’t a hot tongue tangling spit exchanging kind of kiss. This was a lot like the first kiss Suzi and I had had. Just lip to lip. But it was a kiss. A very intimate expression of.
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