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I did not start up the scaling ladder as the first man, but as those ahead of me were killed and fell I found myself alone on the top rung of the ladder. Several Frenchies tried to stop me from progressing any further, but I was armed with an axe, which I wielded so successfully I managed to stay alive until more of my compatriots of The Forlorn Hope joined me on the battlements, and we prevailed.Fortuitously, as I was laying about me with the axe, scattering Frogs left right and centre, General Wellesley was peering through his telescope and saw my valiant deed.“Who is that Berserker?” He exclaimed, “if he survives the day then send him to me!”After the battle, with me still smeared and reeking with the blood of several decapitated Frenchmen, General Wellesley granted me a battlefield commission. I was promoted to Lieutenant, and became an Officer and a Gentleman.There is more to becoming an officer than merely having the regimental tailor sew the epaulettes denoting my new rank. ..she got fired too."# 4A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies: "She choked."# 3A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place.
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