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" So I'll just fax it over," she said again after a pause."Liz, Part of me wishes I was someone else. Someone new and fresh. Someone that didn't need you like a patient does. I know you'll be glad to see me go. But somewhere in that hidden world, that garden where you keep your own hopes and dreams. Elizabeth, just think of me every once in a while."A moment of silence."I wish you the best of luck Ray. I think you are the right path. Good bye."The click hurt his ear. It stretched the limits of his ear drum. Ray hated good byes. He wanted to cry. He wasn't good at crying. He learned to not cry by teachers who were masters of the subject. He wondered if it would help. Would it help to relieve this pressure on his shoulders, the tightness in his throat? His eyes felt heavy and dry. They were always so dry.Saying goodbye to Liz was a road disappearing. It was an end of a "What could have been?" He didn't want to think in terms of regrets. Ray felt guilty at the thought. That made him mad.. .. anger... pain... dizzy... falling... then it was gone.Holding my free hand, with care since it was attached to all the wires and tubes coming out of me, she just cried silently for a bit. I spoke softly to her, thinking of whatever I could that would calm her. I'm afraid I wasn't of much help. Suddenly I said something to her that caused her to jerk up and smile through her tears."There... you call me that all the time." Call you what?" Sweetie pie. You call me sweetie pie when I'm really upset. It's your way of telling me that you love me." I said sweetie pie?"I didn't consciously remember saying that to her... yet somehow now that I thought about it, it did sound right. Okay then, one more thing I knew. When she was upset, I called her sweetie pie. Somehow that had come out of me unbidden. Somehow my brain must be remembering things, yet I was unaware of what... or even when it would do that. This was a pain in the ass. I hated it."Oh Austin... this is so hard. I keep wanting to.
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