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I didn't feel sexy. I felt like I wasbeing used." Welcome to womanhood, sister." Kate sighed and refilled our glasses."What a pity. He's such a nice man." Oh, he wasn't done with me." What else did he do?" He proposed."Kate shrieked. "What? You mean he got down on one knee and offered you aring?" Yes, exactly," I said."What did you tell him?" I said no, thank you." Poor Edward! How did he react?" Like a perfect gentleman," I said. "He said that in my shoes, at my age,he might make the same choice. Then he had to drive me the long wayaround the lake because the ferry was closed."Kate laughed. "Adding insult to injury. Oh, the poor man. I hope hedoesn't throw me out of his office the next time he sees me." Don't forget me!" I said. "I need him to solve my immigration problems."Kate's tone changed. "Do you really want to stay in Britain, dear?" If I can stay with you," I replied. "If you fire me, I guess I'll haveto return to the States." I'm not going to fire you, Lisa," she said. My nipples turn rock hard, and my littleclitty once again tries to make a 'jailbreak' from its confinement.Mother looks at me and tsks. "Such little self-control, my littlehorny kitty, I guess it would be mean of me to now say that you can'torgasm.' She sits down, looks at her nails, and whistles. I try not tolook frustrated."Who are the Grateful Dead?", mother asks me dryly.I sing poorly,"Light a candle curse the glareDraw the curtains I don't care 'cause it's alrightI will get by I will get byI will get by I will survive"Mother smiles, "the sell out album, sigh." I'm not a jukebox mother, that's one I know. It's the only one that'sever played on the radio." "Well if you are a jukebox, you have a scratchy needle. That wasreally terrible dear, remind me not to have you sing for your supper."(My 'singing' ability, or lack thereof; is a constant family joke.Mother believes that sissies should be trained in different performingarts, so we can entertain our families and future.
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