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" By Father Christmas no doubt," Jonny jokes. "I bet you stillbelieve in him and I think your parents are trying to tell yousomething. You big girls blouse."More guffaws of laughter and I prepare to mount and cycle off butJonny hasn't finished."It's what I was given," Johnny mimics but in a girlish pitchedvoice. "I don't believe you anyway." He says, "I think you wanted agirl's bike." He pauses for effect. "Why? Because you're a patheticgirl. Admit it, sissy you can't take the speed of a man's racing bikeor the dirty thrills of a mans mountain bike and..." he looks at methoughtfully, "you can't wear a dress on bikes like ours either.These are men's bikes not girlie bikes. Now bugger off. Why don't youtake your stupid shopper and go shopping?" He pushes the wickerbasket aggressively and laughs menacingly. "We don't want anyone tosee us with a sissy on a girl's bike."I mount up, my eyes wetting, stepping through rather than swingingmy leg over the frame. Jonny and his gang laugh. “I know, I know, I shouldn’t shout. But if the lot of ya would do your job without me telling you to, I fucking wouldn’t!” Alfred quickly swept a cloth over one of the tables in the corner. “Just.. get going, alright?” He felt stressed out and slightly overwhelmed. Tonight a whole host of people would be arriving at his inn. Alfred had gotten the letters announcing their arrivals weeks ago, all pretty curly letters, written in some expensive ink on pretty snow-white parchment. The moment he held them in his hands he knew they aught to be royal letters and sure enough, when he opened them, they were. Not only was the Eastern Queen Petunia coming to bless his humble home. Her brother and arch rival mind you, King Edmund of the West was coming as well. They’d been fighting a bloody war for years now, all for who was the rightful heir to all the lands. Fucking stupid, Alfred thought. He’d been a pirate most his life and when he unexpectedly found himself living at the age of forty he.
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