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Interestingly, I can't remember parents ever being told aboutthe pink belly assaults, as if we all knew it was somehow shameful and forbiddenand not to be talked about; very much like female rape victims for years didnot talk about their own suffering; for Pink Belly was a kind of rape. For me the times of the Pink Belly carried a particularly delicious ambiguity.I loved administering a good Pink Belly, but I also loved receiving one. Iloved the attention, the humiliation. I loved being stripped, held down andhurt. I was a very big and strong boy, larger by far than all my friends. Probablyat any time I could have broken away from my assailants and done some realdamage in self-defense. But I never did that. I always allowed myself to betaken and tormented. I had for years been teased for being overweight, andmaybe that made my stripping all the more exciting--my skinny little playmatescould see my shamefully-jiggling flesh, and the slaps of their hands rang throughthe neighborhood. .. safe, maybe? She was vulnerable. On top of potentially being 'discovered' of being bisexual, she was afraid of making some stupid mistake with some guy, or of being seduced into a relationship with someone she couldn't trust. She didn't want to be taken advantage of, to be hurt. I just couldn't figure out why this was such a fear of hers.I gently kissed her forehead. "What happens to you tonight is Jeff's call," I revised. You could almost see the relief on her face. "If Jeff wants to have sex with you, give it all you've got." Why are you doing this for me?" she asked, in a small voice.I didn't clearly understand why she needed me to take control like this, but I knew why I was doing it. I smiled. "Because I love you."How was that for twisted logic? It apparently was the right answer, though, because her cheeks dimpled and her eyes danced in happiness. I stepped back."Danica, will you and Cassie go to my room?" I said for everyone to hear. "Maybe put on some music or something..
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