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She cleared her throat."I do not really remember anything after lying down next to my Papa on the bed and singing to him, except for wishing that I could die. I wanted so to be with him. I felt so lost, so alone and so very cold. When next my mind became clear, I was standing at Madame's side holding her hand. She nodded her head to me and I remember throwing the crocus I picked for him into the darkness. The bruised and withered flower became my final offering to my father's grave."My next memory is of someone jostling me and bowling me over flat at a train station. He was very large and most likely never saw me. I could barely see his face; his belly blocked his features from my view as I sat on the train platform looking up at him. And then, I remember Madame showing me my room for the first time. I may have been ill when I first arrived at the opera house, as Madame made me stay in bed for a long time. When she finally allowed me to leave my bed, she tried to coax me into trying. .. the inescapable voice who had believed every last poisonous statement my cousins and schoolmates had ever said about me, and repeated them to me in the worst possible moment, bolstered with perfect knowledge of my every failure and disappointment for its evidence, and formed into the best arguments I could build, kept insisting Fiona had just told me that to console me and get me out of that silly tantrum. The problem was, I knew Fiona for a person of her word, as she had reminded me only yesterday. She might deceive or mislead an enemy, or misdirect someone in service of a higher goal, but I couldn’t imagine her fabricating a love declaration to someone as devoted to her as she knew me to be.That was the other thing I was unsure about. After she told me how transparent I had been regarding what I thought was my most closely guarded secret, it seemed impossible to me she didn’t know I loved her, but what if she didn’t? Imagining myself in her place, it would be so painful to admit.
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