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Now I'm coasting along in life, but I feel like this will always hold meback. Every day it's on my mind, unresolved, and as long as it'sunresolved I know I'll never be truly happy. This doesn't mean I'm neverhappy, I'm currently enjoying the best years of my life so far. I'vefinished university, I've opened up so much after growing up as a shy,practically mute and unemotional boy. I'm in a good place.I still cross dress, not that it does that much for me. The clothes feelnice but the thrill fades quickly, I don't get any satisfaction fromseeing myself dressed up. Only the occasional glimpse in the mirror whereI'll see a part of my body and think, wow, that looks like a girl. Evenwearing just a bra and having a bracelet on, when I look down and see mybra strap, then down my arm and see a cute bracelet, it sends a tingledown my spine thinking that's what a real girl would see as well.It's those small surges of excitement that keep me cross dressing, thoselittle moments where I'm. I redoubled my pace."What?" I demanded as I burst into the study."Please review," he told me over the speaker. I went—well, ran, to be honest—around to see the laptop screen.It was a "breaking news" story on one of the on-line news services, something about a shoot-'em-up at some vacation spa. I almost said something to Spook when the dateline on the story belatedly registered in my mind.The Georgia island resort where I'd sent Lee and Johnnie.Five men had come by boat and had stormed in at gunpoint. A "vacationing couple" had tried to resist with guns of their own; my two bodyguards, I was sure. Two of the attackers had gone down, but so had my guards—the man dead, the woman in critical condition—along with "several" other guests and "resort security personnel" who'd been wounded in the crossfire.And "an unidentified woman and her toddler" had been kidnapped.All I could do was stare at the screen in the worst misery of my life."Do you have anything more?" I finally roused myself to.
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