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Cursing the caller with a thousand agonies Ipicked up the phone.“Yes?” I spoke in a cold unwelcoming voice.“Hey H, you old sheep shagger! Wazzzzzupppp?” It wasSimon. “I heard you was sick.”“I was fine until I heard your voice, “I retorted.“That’s what everyone says. Did I interrupt youstrangling the monkey?”I had to chuckle, Simon was irrepressible.“Listen, man. Can I come around? I have some seriousparteeeeeeee business to discuss.” Simon was a prettygood mimic and used a variety of ‘voices’ to spice upconversations. The word ‘party’ was pronounced in hisbest 1970’s DJ voice.Any prospect of further cuddling with Jane that afternoonwas scuppered so I agreed.“Sure, give me 30.” I replied and hung up.“Simon is coming around. We have enough time for a quickshower.”“OK, race to the bathroom,” Jane laughed and leapt offthe bed.I have to tell you,. She peered at me over the rim of her cup, as she settled back against the counter.After several seconds of silence, I decided that I was gonna have to start things off. “Hello, I’m not sure we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Mark. Welcome to my home.”She grinned from behind her cup, and her green eyes twinkled. “Oh, so my gallant rescuer DOES have a name! Here, I had thought that I had been swept up either by the strong silent type, or by some desperado who did not want to let any witness know who he was.”My thus far nameless guest paused, sipping at her coffee. “And, no, I don’t believe we have been introduced. I’m Ashley. Pleased to meet you, although”, and she meaningfully glanced about to indicate my home and her under dressed state, “it appears that we are already, er, ‘acquainted’, so to speak!”I provided my baseline, “wha d’fug?” blank look, and followed up with an explanatory narrative. “Rescuer? What are you talking about?”She put the cup down, and sidled over to me,.
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