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Needless to say every subsequent suggestion I made to slow down was greeted with condescension. I was just the teacher. She was the one with the legal mind. I worked with children all day. She worked with adults. Once we moved into our new home I started to get these little ‘reminders’ about my inadequacies from time to time.Another big thing that played out against us that I consider myself to blame involved my job. Sure, fifth graders are kids, but teaching is more than runny noses, broken spectacles, and that ‘first menstrual drip’. I had some real problems. I won’t go into detail but they were certainly there.For one there was the fact I was on a very real career path. I’d taken the supervisory and administrative tests and had cleared the field. I’d done the course work, and had interviewed for a variety of slots. The county was having a population boomlet, and I was being ‘fast tracked’ from classroom teacher to vice-principal and then maybe principal. I’d made my presence known. I’m shy. But it was the awkward boy/girl shy which was its own kind of excitement.I knew what he was thinking: “Here’s a pretty girl.” And I knew what I was thinking: “The two of us are all alone with only tiniest and most flimsy material separating his hands and maybe his penis from my body. I was hoping the wind would blow up my dress…let him get a look, go red in the face, reach for me, tell me I’m pretty (which of course I am) and I took his hand and said: “Let’s walk to the barn.” His hand was soft and warm and as we walked to the barn his hand brushed against my leg…I think he could feel I was naked…no panty line…no bra straps showing from shoulders…you know, all the things to make a boy hard as a fucking rock.Did I say “fucking?” What a naughty girl I was then…even then when I was young. I liked fucking and licking and sucking and all the things that would excite me, make a boy hard just with my sucking and make him go soft after. I felt empowered at what I could do.
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