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And if she did come around what difference would that make. Well, again, not a damn bit because I did not tust her—at all!And, of course, there was Anna, a much better person, but by no means the looker that my ex was. And, did that make any difference. I had convinced myself that it didn’t, but was I kidding myself. I was fifty-seven; a chooser I was never gonna be. Even Anna was fifty. Was she just settling for me? I figured she was.And, the biggee, was she still going to be on speaking terms with my enemy? And would that be making a difference if she was. Did I have the balls to dare tell her who she could be friends with? Yeah, she was upset about what she heard, but not near as upset as I was—read insane with rage! No, no, not nearly as upset as I was!Well, I had a little advice I was going to be handing out to somebody, maybe Sarah’s new hubby. At the dinner somebody said he was pressing her to go to college. Yes, well, if he did indeed advise her to go to college, he might. We feel and smell each other instead. Still pressed together like a mass we find our mother’s milk. I have to press hard to find my meal, I know I am the smallest now. I have a strange sensation of a naked fleshy being wrapping itself around my belly and lifting me into empty space. The air around me is cold and I have a weightlessness to me. It is a strange feeling as this naked grasp places me close to another heart beat. The odors are sharp and unfamiliar. I explore with my nose. I’m afraid. I want my mother and family. I cry and wet myself from fear. I am stroked and a low tome speaks to me. I am comforted. Then sleep. This exercise is repeated over and over and each time I am afraid and cry, but I begin to trust this fleshy being means no harm. I can see there are light and dark things around me. My legs can carry my weight, but I fall. Many times. I learn that my comfort still comes from sleeping in a mass of heaving bellies. My legs can carry me away from the mass. We each.
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