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So after thinking about it for a while, and discarding a couple of other ideas like a Chinese wedding outfit, I'd decided on Jeannie.I still hadn't heard anything in the house to tell me I wasn't alone. It was time to find out if Max was there. If he wasn't, I didn't know what I was going to do. I bit my lip. I loved my husband, but even an optimist like me couldn't pretend that things between weren't all that good right now. It was his job. I wanted him to be a success, make money, earn the respect of his peers, I really did, but it was like he was obsessed lately. Most nights he didn't make it home for dinner, or even in time to say goodnight to Caitlin, and when he was here, he was tired and preoccupied. I knew he still loved me, but I also knew he was drifting away, caught up in real estate and development deals - searching for the big break.His picture was on my dresser and I went to it and picked it up. Dear, sweet, funny Max, I stroked his handsome face. When had you decided. I completed this task, and I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go.I hurried to the mall bathrooms. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 1 through 5 for your convenience:1. Occupied.2. Clean, but bathroom protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one.3. Poo on seat.4. Poo and toilet paper in bowl, Unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.5. No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet.Clearly, it had to be stall #2. I trudged back, entered, dropped trou and sat down. I'm normally a fairly shameful shitter. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but big things were afoot.I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next-door, followed by a.
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