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To hell with feminism, let’s embrace remasculinization. What is remasculinization? It means to render something more masculine than it was before. If you were to remasculinize Homer Simpson, you’d turn him into Chuck Norris. Do you understand it now? Cool. Let’s move along. First, I had to find myself an average man. A completely average man. He can’t be a total loser or an irresistible stud. He also can’t be filthy rich or dirt poor. He can’t be depressed and suicidal or completely happy-go-lucky. I found the perfect man at Home Depot. His name was Dexter Brown. A tall, somewhat nice-looking young black man. He was a student at Beacon Hill College, majoring in Criminal Justice. He lived not far from the local Home Depot store with his parents, small-town policeman Louis Brown and town librarian Joanna Stiles Brown. How much more average can you get? I approached him. He wasn’t the super extrovert portrayed by Matinee Idols on the silver screen or the shy bookworm seen in comic. " So, is Ted going to sue him for the money, on your behalf?" My noble hubby-to-be says it isn't worth it - that between establishing a case, digging into the history, taking the whole thing through the legal ropes, and spending all his time mounting the case, it would eat up at least the nine and a half thousand we'd get." So, sue him for court and legal costs on top of everything else." Ted still thinks we'll come out breaking even, but no more."I was silent for a long time and then I spoke softly. "Connie, I have a hell of a wedding gift for you."She sighed. "Tony, I love you to pieces and sometimes - don't tell Michele - I wish I'd found you first because I think you and I are super compatible in certain areas, but you've been more than kind enough to me, both you and my sister, so don't go talking about gifts." Ah, but it's going to give me great pleasure in bestowing this one upon you, trust me. I mean, this is going to blow you sky high, if Michele agrees that I should.
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