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This was not something he ever did. He owned the bars; how the patrons got home was their problem, not his. But he couldn’t just leave this girl to her own devices, not unless he wanted the next time he heard about her to be her name in an obituary. She’d probably fall asleep in the cold right outside his bar and die. It would cause all sorts of unwanted paperwork and police questions. She didn’t even need his help standing up. The liquor, it seemed, had not affected her balance one bit. Still, he kept a hand on her back to steer her. He locked up behind them while she stood looking at him through her wide, trusting eyes. “You’re really tall,” she said. “I wish I was taller.”“You’re the perfect height,” he said. “See? My arm fits right round your shoulders. You’re like a portable armrest.”She didn’t giggle at that, and he wondered of she’d heard him. It was a pretty lame joke, but in his experience, drunk people will laugh at anything.“I wish I was hot,” she said. “Like you. But. A man goes to the clinic and makes an appointment with an ophthalmologist and an urologist. The nurse asked, “Why do you need them both?”He replied, “Either I’ve gone color-blind, or my piss has turned blue”.These are compliments of Uncle PodgerWomen’s Revenge‘Cash, check or charge?’ I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.‘So, do you always carry your TV remote?’ I asked.‘No, ‘ she replied, ‘but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.’Wife vs. HusbandA couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, ‘Relatives of yours?’‘Yep, ‘ the wife replied, ‘in-laws’Who Does WhatA man and his wife were having.
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