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She’s always had someone to protect her. First, her parents and then me. We buried her daddy a little over a year ago from dementia then a few months later I go down and my future is uncertain thus her future is uncertain. Yay, her!I’m expecting something that her life experience has never prepared her for. She’s terrified and doesn’t know whether she’s coming or going. She’s doing the best she can with what she has. For decades I have defined love as commitment partially because I realize that feelings change, partially because I understand commitment, and last but not least I don’t understand emotions well. Compassion is an emotion that may be the force behind a commitment but it is not a commitment itself. What if she doesn’t have it in her to keep her commitment to me no matter how hard she tries?There was a time when I once hunted a person the same way a hunter hunts a deer with the exact intention the hunter had for the deer because that person broke a commitment that made me. He became my best friend when he asked for advice about a first date. Like should he wear a tie, where was a restaurant that she might like. And circuitously, very very circuitously, and almost with a whisper, what he should do or say in order to get into her pants. I didn't know who he was talking about, other than that I knew he didn't mean me. Still, I was flattered, what with me still being a virgin and instantly fell into serious like with him.When I saw him the following day, he was obviously in a depressed mood. He didn't go into the gory details about how far he had gotten, but definitely he had not hit a 'home run'. Second base or third base, depending on your definitions, but that was it. Yet him trusting me with that information, though still not her name, left me feeling very warm.No, I do not mean sexually warm, I mean just plain platonic best-friendship, a friendship that was to continue for a number of years – high school, college, grad school and beyond. And up until.
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