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” Gary got serious. “Do you miss him a lot?”“Of course I do” I responded. “We all do. It is hard on all of us. I understand what you are going through.” I paused and we sat there in silence, thinking about what we had lost. “But he would want us to go on and not ‘wallow in grief’. Dad would want us to use his death to motivate us, not to defeat us. He would want us to lean on each other now.”I leaned in and hugged him, and he hugged me back. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes as I reflected on Dad and his death. This hug was affectionate, and not the least bit sexual or inappropriate. As I write this it occurs to me that was the last hug Gary and I ever shared that did not have some sexual tension. Holding him for those thirty to forty seconds, I felt the tears start to stream down my face. And I tried to regain my composure.After a minute or two, I broke the silence, “Look, I don’t want to be mean; but your breath stinks. If you want to talk any more, you need to go brush your. ‘I’ve been there,’ she said. ‘Take my word for it. I was going crazy for you for only a few days, they’ve been suffering for nearly a fortnight. I can’t begin to imagine what that would be like. They must be almost demented. And if you’ve told them they’re going to have you today, then when they get here you tell them they can’t, I don’t know what will happen. It would be inhumanly cruel. You can’t do it, darling.’ She looked up at me imploringly. Her eyes, despite the tears that were starting to form, had a strange new intensity about them and they glinted in a way that was almost metallic, as if cobalt had reinvented itself as a shade of green instead of blue. It struck me that despite all I had been through with Fran I had never properly looked at her eyes until this moment. And as I stared at her it seemed to me that she alone really understood what had happened and how I felt. The realisation swept over me that she had achieved after all what she set out to do when we spoke in.
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