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Damn her.I drained the rest of my precious whisky. I'm sure I might have vocalized my current feelings of misfortune. I drug on my warm clothes, snow boots, heavy coat, hat, and heaviest gloves. Still grumbling, I headed out to retrieve the instruction sheet. Provided it had one.My first step into the yard I sank to my knees. Two feet of snow already. Great. The journey out to the shed was slow, fighting the deep snow all the way. As I unlocked the door, I realized in my haste I had forgotten a flashlight. Come spring I planned to run power out to the shed and light it, but no lights now.I kept the shed clean for the most part. The main floor area was empty except the lawn tractor which I kept to the left coming in the door. So I went right. And I went right down. My numb feet not even feeling "The Thing on The Floor" I tripped over. No indication until my knees crunched down on it.I really felt it when I went head first into the upright stack of yard tools. All those lovely rakes,. " Ain't Hollywood Florida? I asked."Don't think so," Momma said, "Since when you been a Geographer?" what ever in the hell one of them is, "Anyway don't get chasing her make her chase you and be sure you use a condom or they'll be after you for alimony." Ok Momma," I said and I went out and cut up some wood so I wouldn't get horny.I guess a week went by, and then my world flipped upside down again it wasn't planned but one afternoon I saw Ellie - May in the Library and I shouts across to her, "You give any thought to maybe fucking with me Ellie - May?" I says."Hoarse," she says as she blushes bright red, "Please, this is a library," as if that made any difference. "Moma says Five hundred dollars or a new TV," I hollered."Hoarse!" she says and she comes rushing over, "Be quiet, I don't want everyone knowing I said I might fuck you," she says and whispered, "Momma says three thousand dollars." "Three Thousand?" I said like I was shocked."And bring some Condoms." she said."Hell where do.
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