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How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion: Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you’re away from home.This one is compliments of Rick M.Things that you should never say to a woman during an argument:10- Don’t you have some laundry to do or something?9- Aww, you are so cute when you get all ticked off.8- You’re just upset because your a****is beginning to spread.7- Wait a minute -- I get it. What time of the month is it?6- You’re sure you don’t want to consult the great Oprah on this one?5- Sorry, I was just picturing you nekked.4- Whoa, time out. Football is on.3- Looks like someone had an extra bowl of bitch flakes this morning!2- Is there any way we can do this via e-mail?1- Who are you kidding? We both know that thing ain’t loaded.Food For Thought“Behind. He summoned a waiter, who showed Bruce to his table. There was a man already sitting at the table and as Bruce arrived, he stood up.‘I’m sorry mate.,’ said Bruce. ‘There seems to have been some mistake. I didn’t invite anyone to dinner and I certainly can’t afford to eat here.’The man offered his hand. ‘Good evening Mr Goddard. I’m Will Wainwright, and I hope you’ll forgive me but I invited myself.’Bruce stepped back a little and looked at the man before taking the offered hand and shaking it.‘I’ve gotta say, mate, you’re looking a hell of a lot better than the last time I saw you.--But look we can’t eat here it’ll cost a bomb and I’m not really dressed for it.’‘I can wait while you get changed if you like, but I assure you no one here is going to worry about the way you are dressed. As for the bill, we’ll charge that to your room.’Bruce smiled ‘Ah I’ve got you now. This was all you wasn’t it. Flying me in here, putting me up in this place. It was nothing to do with the cops, you set.
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