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They buzzed into life in my hands. Similar tone and weight to the only other thing that buzzed in my life. Every damn night, sending me to sleep a panting, wet tangle of want, temporarily sated yet never cured. The unbreakable cycle of being mid-thirties and manless because everyone wrongly assumes you're fundamentally broken.I sighed and began trimming above his ear, the strokes automatic and mechanistic. Sideways, diagonal, nape. I pressed on, perhaps too hard as he winced, catching my eye in the mirror. "Rough day?"I shrugged. "Kids, pensioners, and the impatient." No Santa bearing gifts, in for a beard and eyebrow shape?"I smiled despite myself. "No such luck." There's still time. Take it slow. I'm delicate." Sorry."I eased off and he adjusted the position of his head in response to the angle of the clippers. Muscle memory kicked in, back to the practised, automatic strokes, my mind free-wheeling around elements of my hollow life. Vauxhall Tigra. Dinner for one. Endless channels. "Lucian nodded, wishing he were elsewhere. The story was too close forcomfort."A week before that day I'd heard about this school," Kurtz went on."Norton's, I mean. They'd opened only a few years earlier. So I showedhim a flyer and asked him to at least go and see."She sighed, sitting more upright."He didn't want to. He was adamant. He was no faggot, not a fuckingsissy, he said. And when I went on about it, he fled to his room."There was silence, filled with far off laughter and soft music.Lucian saw her hands clasp and unclasp in her lap. He wanted her tostop. He wanted out."Please," he said, raising a hand. The jingling bracelets tumbled downhis forearm.Kurtz's gaze seemed to re-focus, returning from a far away place."I'd like to return to the party," he said. "I really am sorry for yourson, but..."Kurtz jumped to her feet, almost stumbling. Her eyes were huge; herhands reached out for him."No!" she hissed. "You listen to my story. It is as much about you asabout my son."Almost.
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