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Like I said – not a contest.”“That silence, Tommy ... Where can I find that? Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED Saturday – the social. It was happy chaos, all the conversations, the activities, the people, the music ... But sometimes I just want to be still and be quiet and maybe read, with some music in the background. I miss that.”“You don’t have your own room at the shelter.”“Us single girls without children, we share a room. I’m lucky for that. But my room-mate’s taste for music, it’s nothing like yours. Nothing like what I enjoyed Saturday. I just can’t get into rap and that other stuff she wants to listen to.”Tommy and I have had this discussion before. I was wrong when I figured his big ol’ country white boy self would be all into modern country or rock or something. I found instead that he’s got eclectic tastes and when he strays off into a genre, I can find reason to like it.“Baby,” he says, “I’ve offered you my apartment.”“Baby,” I said back, with just a little emphasis to make. Now, just because it was always in the backdrop, that does not mean that the feelings and desires that come along with sexuality were talked about, let alone commended in my family and community. This means that I also grew up learning to repress and restraint sexual thoughts and desires- needless to say that I grew up catholic in a Latin American country. Repression and constraint from impure thoughts and actions was a concept preached to me by most of my elders, yet sex was present in all of their lives and affairs. Sex is inescapable yet they all told me to run from it. I must admit too; there was part of me for some time that did try to do just that, but sex was always finding its way back into my daily life, whether it was from having lustful thoughts in church after seeing a sexy mom in a skirt and stockings, or getting aroused at hearing about some older man's affairs when my aunts gossiped. Sex and eroticism has always been a d**g I have craved in my life; the doses of it.
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