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“What are they?”“Pussy and bitch.” Mom inhaled sharply, but recovered quickly.“Oh, that’s easy,” she said. “A pussy is a cat, like our little Chico. A bitch is a female dog, like our Sandy.”Craig thanked his mother and ran out the door. But something about his mother’s explanation bothered him. So he sought out his father. Dad was in the garage.“Dad,” Craig said, “the guys at school are using words I don’t understand.”“What words, son?” “Pussy and bitch. I asked Mom, but I don’t think she told me the right meanings.”“Son, never ask your mother about these things. Ask me. Let me explain what they mean for you.” He pulled a Playboy from his workbench, turned to the centrefold and drew a circle around the pubic area.“Everything inside the circle is pussy,” he said.“Okay, Dad. Then what’s a bitch?”“Everything outside the circle.”Private LessonsA husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband. More necking occurred and everybody appeared so mellow. Rubin did what he could to put the spark back into the party. Lights were shut off and candles were lit. ‘Man, this blows, put some music on or something’ Carl the sober bastard blurts out. ‘Hey Rubin. Get that lesbian porn we were watching last week on.’ ‘Uh, Dave, What are you talking about?’ Playing it cool because my girl friend is in the room and she despises porno flicks. ‘Buddy man, you know the one. The mermaid going around giving guys blow jobs against their will? (Ya right)’ Dave is slurring and it’s apparent he’s drunk. At this point, my girlfriend, Martha is giving me unsettling looks as if saying to me: ‘You perverted little scum bag.’ Breaking the whole disturbing reality of it, I dodge into the closet. ‘I got something, check this out’ I take out the Blood Board, a quija board if you will but apparently the thing works. It was giving to me by a friend that bought it off of some guy in Mexico. ‘What is it?’.
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