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They tried to fix me up a couple times but I wasn't ready for that. A couple were very good looking and friendly, I was just not ready for anyone new yet. I finally started going around to some of the places we had been, remembering and crying, feeling sorry for myself. After a few months I started to get used to it and the crying mostly went away. I was still barely getting by emotionally but that improved. I actually took one of the women my kids had introduced to dinner. We had a good time but no sex, just a quick goodnight kiss, I still wasn't ready. It upsets paige if I bring up what we were when I visit so I usually sit and watch her with her friends. They all know me and they hug and kiss me and I think a couple hit on me. I don't see much except Paige when I'm there though. I used to see her every day but now it's every two to three weeks. It tears me up and I usually drink to much scotch and smoke to much pot afterwards, then I get maudlin as hell and cry myself to sleep. We . . . . As I watch you fall asleep, your head slumps forward, and your book slips out of your hand. I lean down and pick it up and place a book mark between the pages. I gently set you back down; one hand lingers on your chest. My eyes taking in all of you as my heart beats so hard my chest might explode. I feel your heart beating under my hand. You are so close, my body aches, for your touch. Your scent intoxicates me, fills my lungs and my body yearns for you. It has been years and I have tried to keep my distance and do what is right. But you are in my arms and so close now. I kiss your neck and you moan. You taste so good. I cannot stop and have gone too far and cannot turn back. I kiss your neck again, you murmur. I pick you up in my arms and take you somewhere special in my realm. I lay you on my stone altar; my most sacred place. I lie next to you, my hand on your chest. I kiss your neck and your mouth opens, a deep breath bursts from it as if you had been holding it in. I.
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