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Anytime that you want too.”Astounded I repeated, “Anytime.”Mom smiled and said, “Since your father left us I have not had any sex. That was two years ago and I really want sex again. You can sleep with me, we can make love at night, and then again in the morning.”Janet said, “I can sleep over occasionally and you can stop off at my house after school. We just won’t tell my husband that we are having sex, that’s all.”Mom added, “They are not getting along too well. He has a younger girlfriend and he is thinking about moving out. I told Janet that she could stay with us.”Janet added, “When that happens you will need a bigger bed.”I came in Janet and then I said, “Why wait for him to leave? Stay with us right now. File for divorce and take him to the cleaners. I know who he is fucking and she isn’t seventeen yet. In our state that makes her a minor and him a sex offender.”Janet said, “You know her?”I replied, “Sure everybody knows Easy Sleazy Donna. She is the only cheerleader to get. You get $2,000 a week allowance. You take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away over 45 cents?NOW THAT’S A JEWISH MOTHER!✧ ✧ ✧From dorsetmike‎She says “Why don’t you say you love me anymore?”He replies “I said it once, I’ll let you know if the situation changes.”✧ ✧ ✧This one is from fmwarmac‎So I asked my wife, “Why do you keep buying plants when you just kill them?”She said, “To remind you what I’m capable of.”✧ ✧ ✧Last week I bought a brand new boomerang, even though I can’t seem to get rid of the old one.People who put some money away each week just aren’t shopping hard enough.I bought some fridge magnets. So far, I have 10 fridges.A jellyfish walks into a hardware store and buys ten drills.Supermarket: a place where you can spend a half-hour looking for instant coffee.How can you spot people who can’t count to twenty? They’re in front of you in the supermarket express lane.I bought some Haagen-Dazs ice cream, and as the cashier rang it up, I asked: “How do you.
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