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Finally, before she too attempted the sleep thing, she laid out her clothing, a tea-shirt that just about supported her breasts, white virgin knickers and a pair of old and expendable slacks, a pair of earrings, and her glasses, just to add a little authenticity. She was down early, sipping tea dressed just as she had planned with the addition of just a splash of perfume, and a pair of slippers, so by eight, she was nervously pouring yet another mug of tea. When she faintly heard his alarm at half past she smiled, then lay on the empty work top a large pair of scissors, a kitchen knife-block and a hank of blue rope that she had begged from some men working in the road some time ago, way back when she had first had this fantasy, though she had told them it was for something else of course. She heard the toilet flush and the shower running, butterflies now crashing about in her tummy, as she waited, watching the clock and absent mindedly sipping the fast cooling tea, desperate to keep. I even purged all her stuff a time or two. But inevitably the unquenchable need to be Jennifer always came back, and it would come back stronger and quicker each time I tried to deny her. Truth be told, I am glad I attempted to get rid of Jennifer. Because my failure to do so has affirmed that she is who I am and who I was meant to be. The fact that my desire to be a woman would never go away, but had become instinctual helped prove to me that I was never truly a Jeff, but always a Jenn. She wasn’t a fetish or some deviation on being bi or gay, but real flesh and bl**d femininity. Whenever I was her, I felt right and whole. Whenever I see her in the mirror or a photo, I know she is me. And I am so glad, so very glad, I embraced myself by embracing her. Jennifer started out shy and timid – uncertain of herself and how others saw her. Not quite sure she was attractive or desirable. She began life with a pink and white wardrobe and long skirts which suggested virginal purity but did not.
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