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Did I want it to? Of course not. This was just a night out bowling with the gang. Right? Was I really teasing myself? Why? Or was a more basic, imperceptible, exchange of pherimones affecting my thoughts and urges? I wasn’t just teasing myself, I was confusing myself. When Bob turned a corner our bodies shifted and, while bracing herself, Dorothy’s hand touched mine. I was startled in spite of my fantasy. Then I did something which felt very daring – I left my hand where it was – touching hers! My anxiety mounted when, to my amazement, she didn’t move her hand either. Two of her fingers, which were over-lapping mine, seemed to press down lightly! I became flush with the surge of a strong, deep aching I hadn’t felt since I was a teenager. It was then that I put my hand over hers and gently squeezed. I knew the moment I had done it that it was a potential disaster, but to my surprise and utter relief, she turned her palm up and squeezed back. We looked at each other for a moment and. “I’m not gay.”“So what? Face the facts. You got neutered, same as me. So you’re not a man any more. You’ve got two choices. You can take testosterone shots for the rest of your life and try to get it up, if your head lets you. Or you can go the other way.”“I don’t want to be a woman.”“Look at yourself. Just like me, you’re pretty, thin and short for a guy. I would never have suggested this if you didn’t have all the ingredients. We already know how you feel about spending the rest of your life without any balls. Why not find out what it feels like to be a beautiful woman? Who knows, you might just like it.”It was all so incredibly bizarre. An hour ago, I was resigned to a barren existence. Now a total stranger was opening another door, to a place which terrified me. What would people say? Yet as I looked at her, watched her move and listened to the way she talked, the whole notion somehow seemed less preposterous. “What makes you think I’d like it,” I heard myself ask.“Maybe you.
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