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I went into them knowing they would end and always saved myself from getting too badly hurt. The flip side, is that I never really let myself be myself. I always catered to their needs and desires. Well, not totally, but it was better to be passive and agreeable than argue. And most of the time, I didn't particularly care one way or another. That's part of the problem right there. I didn't care.Shit. Jenny must be right. I am a closed book. So if that's the problem, the obvious solution is let myself open up. To get beyond the simple expedient of being 'the boyfriend' and allowing them to see the real me, which is terrifying to contemplate.Why was that such a scary thought? Fear of rejection? Well, I should be used to that by now. Except, I always took comfort in the idea that they weren't really rejecting me, because they didn't really know the 'real' me. They were rejecting my version of 'the boyfriend'.I was slowly realizing, that playing the boyfriend was a dead end, had always. There is a fifth element, the Void, but it is notworshiped." Interesting," I said. "But there are a lot more than four temples here." Besides the high gods, there are lesser gods who are responsible foreach aspect of daily life, from birth to death." Oh. Thank you," I said, and she blushed.By the time we got back to the castle, I had a suspicion that my guidemight be transgendered. I didn't think it would be polite to say I hadread her, so I just said, "Thank you so much for the tour." It was my honor, Lady."I ached to give her a hug, or some advice, or something, but I just said,"I think the honor was mine."She reddened, gave a curtsy, and left.Just after she left, a guard came in and told me I was invited to sit atthe king's table for supper.My stomach growled its acceptance before I could say the words.I was placed near the king again, but they actually apologized that Icouldn't have the seat right beside his. Apparently, an ambassador wascoming for dinner, and they automatically.
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