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I haven’t done heroin, or any other drug, in five years, starting on that day. So now I’m 35. I’m well-off, I’m sober, I’ve got a huge back-log of awful and awesome memories, and I’ve got a girlfriend I would kill for. I’m not self-destructive in any drug-related way. But there’s one way in which my mind continues to try and ruin my life. I cannot stop thinking about sleeping other women. I told you, I’m disciplined, and I never act on these feelings. But “these feelings” are more like “that feeling you have when you wake up and you don’t stop having it until you fall asleep but then you have it some more while you dream about fucking other women.” I know most men probably do this kind of fantasizing, and you might think you go through this every day just like me, and though it’s a little difficult at times, it’s really not a life-ruiner. You have to understand - I’m an addict by nature. I don’t do drugs anymore, and the beast in me that always wants to turn off my life and get lost. Snyder's daughter or son was it? Perhaps we should visit her, eh. Imagine how she would look after a night with my regiment. Would you like that? They are certainly enjoying that indentured woman we found at the Weaver place, doubt she'll last the day."I stood and waited knowing he would get to the point eventually."You still have nine usable fingers and that ugly thing between your legs. Hah, looks worse than mine. Roberts will cut all of them off bit by bit if I ask him to do so. He seems to enjoy it."I stood quietly."Did you break his trigger finger as I asked?" said the captain."No sir, didn't have the friggin' time with lady fainting and all," the corporal said."Do it now," said the captain, smiling up at me. "Untie him."The knots came free, and Roberts pulled out my right arm while I shook the left one to try to get it working. The soldier held my right hand against the wall and struck my forefinger twice with his heavy, wrought iron cutters. I think I yelled and know I called.
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