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You mustn’t say anything, please.’ I leant forward, stood on tiptoe and kissed him, ‘No, I won’t tell a soul. I promise.’ He looked lost, vulnerable, defeated. It does wonders for a man’s appeal you know, when a woman sees him like this. Oh not every day but perhaps once in her life. ‘I went out with a girl, in my first year at college, not long after I started. Look Jo, this is embarrassing. I hadn’t done it before then and we went back to her room and she expected me to, to, you know, to . . .’ ‘Yes,’ I said softly guessing what was coming, ‘I know.’ He looked at me with his soul shining through his eyes. He was opening himself to me completely, telling me this. ‘I couldn’t,’ he muttered ashamed, ‘I couldn’t do anything. I don’t know why. She was like an animal, all over me, wanting me to, you know, and she got so annoyed, angry when I couldn’t. Called me a poof, queer. Said I didn’t like women. She told all her friends. It was horrible Jo, they all laughed, mostly behind my back.. Seeing her back, her mannerisms and luscious physique compels me to walk towards her in a dream like state, mesmerized by replaying happy memories of a strong love for her, standing behind her my mind making it’s comparison and coming to the conclusion, sending messages to my lips, I hear a distant voice with a very familiar tone “Rose”! the voice is now louder and more distinct “rose baby, its me”! A slow consciousness returns as a reawakening from a stupor, seeing these two strange ladies looking at me, with a bemused look on their faces in total amazement. Utter embarrassments envelops me and utter my quick apologies and leave briskly with eyes still on the ladies I walk toward the door bumping a table before I make my exit. It the street I am enveloped by the mass of passers by. Walking along I see face after face of my long lost desire, feeling saddened by the whole affair, walking aimlessly towards nowhere in particular down the street towards nowhere in particular, I come.
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