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”“No, it’s not!” I said sharply. “The only opinion that matters is yours. Who gives a sweet flying fuck what I think of him?!!? I fucking hate his guts and I hope he dies in a chemical fire. I’m your ex. Of all the little critters of nature, why would you think I could give an objective opinion?”“Because you’re the smartest person I know. If you REALLY didn’t like him, you’d tell me that something was wrong.”I sat quietly for a moment and she started to worry. “Matt? Are you still there?”“Yeah. I’m still here. So you don’t need my opinion,” I clarified. “You already think there’s something wrong with him. You just want me to confirm your diagnosis so you don’t feel bad breaking it off with him.”Now it was her turn to fall silent. I waited her out though. Silence was a great diagnostic of which person in a conversation was more uncomfortable and I wasn’t about to break the silence.“Yeah,” she admitted in the end. “I don’t know what it is, but I don’t like the feelings I get from. Yes, that's it. Then, I'll always know when you need some relief.'"You mean I can't wear any clothes when I'm in the house?" Yes, that takes care of how I'll know when you have these 'boy' urges I have to take care of."Well, there it was. This girl wanted to have me parade around all day naked for her hoping she'd see me with a hard-on so she could jack me off. Well, I supposed there are worse things in life. I did need to tell her, though, that my dick was getting sore and that she needed to use something like baby lotion. I usually used a squirt of body lotion my mom had in her bathroom."So, lets just leave these pajamas off and, oh, my look at you, Andrew. You boys certainly have a lot of these urges, don't you? You're having them again." I'm sorry, I try not to, it just happens." Oh, I know it does, it's natural, that's all. We'll just have to do it all over again." Can you use some hand lotion, I'm a little sore there. You can get it in my mom's bathroom." Okay, be right.
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